• Dr Lake

Why Emotional Intimacy Is Difficult

Connect on a deeper level

A Five Part Series

Part 4

Fear of losing control is the fourth greatest threat to emotional intimacy. It’s natural to want to remain in control of your life, but marital intimacy challenges that control. With increased vulnerability, one person might fear that his or her spouse may use confidential information against them or exploit their closeness as a way to control them.

Not wanting to lose control is a particularly subtle fear. Most people aren’t even aware of it. But they do sense a vague inner warning that prevents them from risking vulnerability. People who grew up with dominating parents may especially resist honest, transparent communication. A woman might remember too well how confining her father was, or a man might remember how strongly his mother forced his dependency on her.

A wife feels, “man what if he tries to control me, like my father use to do?” And a husband is thinking, “what if she tries to run my life, like mom always did?” The good news is that persistent, honest communication can break down this barrier. As trust grows between husband and wife, these fears can finally be put to rest.

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