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Why Emotional Intimacy Is Difficult


Connect on a deeper level

A Five Part Series


Part 5


Fear of getting too close is another barrier to developing intimacy. The fear of intimacy is part of that balancing act between maintaining one’s individuality and developing greater closeness with one’s mate. The give and take involved in “becoming one” in marriage is a tricky business, and there is always the danger that one spouse’s personality will overpower and dominate the relationship.


The fear of intimacy has no gender bias---it’s an equal opportunity barrier. Women feel worried about being swallowed up by their husbands’ lives, and men feel worried about losing themselves to their wives. Unfortunately, our society emphasizes individual rights above mutual giving up of self, and few good models of marital intimacy remain. Couples are left to forge their own way, continuing to communicate even when it’s tough, and even when they are afraid.


Clearly fear takes the lead as the most dangerous enemy of good communication and intimacy building in marriage. As you and your partner pursue better communication in spite of your fears, your heighten level of trust can banish the fears that have been getting in your way.

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